Can somebody please help me overthink this?

Mari wrote: Sometimes there’s just no chemistry. If a woman tells you she’s not interested, believe her.

Oh hey Mari, it's been a long time; hope all's well.

Thats deep!
But Idk how Chemistry works - I'm not the scientist & no one ever said it would be this hard... to just like / interested in someone...
Well I don't think I'm crzy over her (yet) but there's more to it for sure ofc.

Someone else posted about the chemistry too...so I initially asked her to join me for dinner this Saturday, but then I figured why not invite her to hang out earlier (if interested to know her, feel like waiting too long would seem like I'm not interested ) so I did. It was after work on a Tues and the vibes at the place wasnt right, and no clue why where we parted the spot was so bright, so I didn't get too close or advanced further. I really just know her & texted for few wks.

I mean it's just a first date, hardly know each others- how can one be so sure there will be no chemistry ever based on few hrs together?

I mean she didn't say it out right, but...feels like its all reading between the lines. Maybe she's just trying to be nice. Her reply is usually like "I will think about it" "I most likely will be out of town this weekend", so straight "No" or let her think & decide

If no interest at all she probably won't even show...l mean, I've got stood up, ghosted, last min text cancel, etc before

greensheep wrote: shes telling you as it is, not interested. this is as much closure as one can hope for (give her credit for that). it sucks, but time to move on.

on a slightly different note. i already had the impression this was not going well for you from the second paragraph. when a chick is into you, most of the time they will show it. even the reservedly guarded ones.

I mean is she still thinking or she's seeing someone else or not interested (at all) anymore, etc.

Certainly gave her credit for that. I was running for the train when I got the text and I replied her right away.

I still despise closure via text or social media, etc tho
But perhaps you & other ppl who inputed were right-
as good as it gets or as good as it gets these days.
Normally just no reply...and you are ghosted, I know that! Sometimes asking for decency is asking for a lot these day - sorry to say.
Thats why texted her back telling her "I think she's really nice, I gotta run for train now, let's chat more after I'm back in town..."

some people may take a few meetings to get a good read on someone. some will take less. for me, i've pretty much made my mind about someone on the 3rd sentence lol.

i think she is trying to be nice by replying you. but to me, it feels like she is telling you she is not interested. she showed up to see if there was chemistry. nope. politely gave you obvious hints to let you know she is no longer interested. you don't like closure via text, that's fine. but that's probably how she rolls. plus we're in a digital world now, so us old farts need to accept that this is the way of doing things in this day and age.

when it's obvious a girl isn't interested, you are best to stop the chase. you're not going to make her change her mind, and will just make it worse if you keep pressing on.

as for the give her credit comment, sorry i meant that figuratively.

slightly off topic. i've been stood up 3 times in my life. so no show on the date. i'd take even an sms letter N, over that any day .

If someone feels for you , they will make you known, not confused like this .

If someone is not replaceable , they are smart enough to not let go . Otherwise it’s “ I think/feel I can find better match elsewhere”.
But at the moment you at that position to think you can’t endure the thought to let her go .

Hopefully one day , you wake up just quickly become a guy , that girls don’t want to replace you for someone else

When I was younger I’ve told a bunch of guys “I’ll think about it” when I wasn’t interested. Simply because a lot of men can’t take a simple “No” or “I’m not interested”. I didn’t want to have to give them a detailed explanation and I definitely didn’t want them to try and convince me otherwise.
Just take it as it is. She gave you a clear message, there’s no need to dissect it. You’re better off putting your time and energy into something or someone else.
And for the closure via text part; I don’t see the issue, when your preferred communication medium was texting.

greensheep wrote: some people may take a few meetings to get a good read on someone. some will take less. for me, i've pretty much made my mind about someone on the 3rd sentence lol.

i think she is trying to be nice by replying you. but to me, it feels like she is telling you she is not interested. she showed up to see if there was chemistry. nope. politely gave you obvious hints to let you know she is no longer interested. you don't like closure via text, that's fine. but that's probably how she rolls. plus we're in a digital world now, so us old farts need to accept that this is the way of doing things in this day and age.

when it's obvious a girl isn't interested, you are best to stop the chase. you're not going to make her change her mind, and will just make it worse if you keep pressing on.

as for the give her credit comment, sorry i meant that figuratively.

slightly off topic. i've been stood up 3 times in my life. so no show on the date. i'd take even an sms letter N, over that any day .

Thats like prejudice, but that's just me. I'm "trying" not to judge as much unless I know the full story, not sure if I can know someone's life within a few hrs or few days of knowing em. Will try to give em benefit of doubt and make up my mind after I know more. Funny tho cause that's like my old boss vs this new supervisor situation at work atm- the old one used to say he likes to view ppl as more capable than they are, but the new one seems to think she's the smarter one & anyone under her just stupid.
Figure also because I'm slow & ppl these days are quick with info, data, social Media, etc. - quick to judge

Nope- long story on text and social media, we didn't grow up with those, but u are right that's probably how she rolls even though she probably didn't grow up with those either. I mean come on - let's look at online dating 20yrs ago vs now.

lol to your comments : "we're in a digital world now, so us old farts need to accept that this is the way of doing things in this day and age." XD
Hav they tried to break up with you via social media or text yet? Yea not a fan of that- Figure drop a text or message then run is easier than working it out in person (heard they think guy might get violent) but still communicate like an adult instead of dodging & running away. If far away then ofc no choice but still answer txt and call
When u confront them they also just avoid you. I know we are all busy but still. They really just ghost u when you wanna close.
Thanks for reminding me I'm old, that's another long story >_<

I'm actually ok with a straight forward "No"
I can just move on & no need to decipher much

attraction/chemistry is not always (actually i think more accurately would be rarely) about knowing someone inside and out. that is emphasised in the next stage, falling for someone. surely you've met people who you just know immediately that you won't get along with?

i never really had a problem with how people say no, from ghosting to a grandeur excuse on why they don't want to go out with me. so i never really understood why people get so hung up on it. is it the respect? a closure? or something else? i don't think any of that matters. there's only one absolution, and that is they are not interested. admittedly though, the feeling of having your heart crush never gets easier.

and don't worry. you haven't hit the big four o. so you're not that old...yet .

booster wrote: Cook for her, she will fall madly in love with you. Chick's love food and cats just like bongocat. He loves loves food. Thats how I caught him

Nobody can catch me, I'm the gingerbread cat.

Mari wrote: When I was younger I’ve told a bunch of guys “I’ll think about it” when I wasn’t interested. Simply because a lot of men can’t take a simple “No” or “I’m not interested”. I didn’t want to have to give them a detailed explanation and I definitely didn’t want them to try and convince me otherwise.
Just take it as it is. She gave you a clear message, there’s no need to dissect it. You’re better off putting your time and energy into something or someone else.
And for the closure via text part; I don’t see the issue, when your preferred communication medium was texting.

"She's just playing hard to get" - height troll incel

greensheep wrote: attraction/chemistry is not always (actually i think more accurately would be rarely) about knowing someone inside and out. that is emphasised in the next stage, falling for someone. surely you've met people who you just know immediately that you won't get along with?

i never really had a problem with how people say no, from ghosting to a grandeur excuse on why they don't want to go out with me. so i never really understood why people get so hung up on it. is it the respect? a closure? or something else? i don't think any of that matters. there's only one absolution, and that is they are not interested. admittedly though, the feeling of having your heart crush never gets easier.

and don't worry. you haven't hit the big four o. so you're not that old...yet .

Cause I'm obsessed...
Yea closure then move on and also this urge for knowing the truth and trying to learn from the past in hope that history won't repeat itself.

She of ghosted me when I confronted, as I expected.

No, I'm getting there. My friend knows too - long story short, at a concert with the friend back in Jun. Met this girl who sat next to me, she asked me my ago (and my friend, she even asked for IDs. We show her,
but she thinks our IDs are fake). Told her twice my age and she asked again then she ghosted me... Seriously I'm not gonna lie about my age. Idk what ppl are up to these days anymore. It's probably time to give it up...

"attraction/chemistry is not always (actually i think more accurately would be rarely) about knowing someone inside and out" - like a crush? Yes happens