Any advice on how to get your future in-laws to accept you?

Long story cut short, I have been with my incredible boyfriend for just under three years now. Everything is going great and our relationship is nothing short of magical. We met on Hey-Ai a few years back and have been inseparable since. Recently I noticed a mood shift in him, which resulted in us having a massive fall out and not speaking for days... Reason being, his parents, more specifically his mom (I think) don't accept me because I'm white and he is Asian. He straight up said to me "they want me to marry someone of my own race." I know it's hard and what not, but does anyone have any advice on how we can deal with this? It's breaking him down and destroying our relationship since he is really depressed about it. I try whatever I can to be a good daughter-in-law.... I cook for him regularly, I help him when he is sick etc...

We do not live together yet as I am still studying and need to get a job first...

Some friends of mine have suggested that we get married or have a kid just in order to get them to get over themselves lol. Any advice will be appreciated because it's hard being in this situation...

Well it's always difficult to change a parent or parents' mindset since they are so used to theirs. In one of the threads Junjunfr makes an interesting post:

JunJun.fr wrote: As I wrote before in other threads (see links below), my advice when dealing with traditional (conservative) Asian parents who want their son to marry an Asian wife only is to play a trick:
When his parents ask him when he plans to marry & further the family name, the Asian guy should pretend he feels an attraction for men. The parents may very much feel very upset... Then, some time later, the guy should tell his parents that he fell for a non-Asian girl. His parents will forever love & worship their future non-Asian daughter in law. Even if she's a Black girl, they will be grateful to her for bringing back their son in the "straight tracks".


www.hey-ai.com/forum...nt-heart#407315

www.hey-ai.com/forum...start=60#269685

Probably too late to try it and also not practical.

There isn't any immediate solution, but maybe if possible meeting your in-laws, talking to them more, try to connect with them even though they might give you a hard time. Talk to your partner about his parents, what kind of things they like and look for. I think over time his parents will see that him being with you is making him happy and should respect that. If not, there I guess there's nothing you can really do since they are adamant on their own opinions on who their son should marry.

Elilolita wrote: Long story cut short, I have been with my incredible boyfriend for just under three years now. Everything is going great and our relationship is nothing short of magical. We met on Hey-Ai a few years back and have been inseparable since. Recently I noticed a mood shift in him, which resulted in us having a massive fall out and not speaking for days... Reason being, his parents, more specifically his mom (I think) don't accept me because I'm white and he is Asian. He straight up said to me "they want me to marry someone of my own race." I know it's hard and what not, but does anyone have any advice on how we can deal with this? It's breaking him down and destroying our relationship since he is really depressed about it. I try whatever I can to be a good daughter-in-law.... I cook for him regularly, I help him when he is sick etc...

We do not live together yet as I am still studying and need to get a job first...

Some friends of mine have suggested that we get married or have a kid just in order to get them to get over themselves lol. Any advice will be appreciated because it's hard being in this situation...

I'm sorry to hear that, that just sucks totally. I'm a little surprised tho, given that your boyfriend is Taiwanese - generally, Taiwanese parents mindset should be more open. Personally, I haven't really encountered any barriers thus far - but its relatively fresh - let you know in 5 years time lol

I can think of extreme method.. is to just have a baby but I wouldn't recommend it - that's a huge commitment and a quite a big gamble.

Elilolita wrote: Long story cut short, I have been with my incredible boyfriend for just under three years now. Everything is going great and our relationship is nothing short of magical. We met on Hey-Ai a few years back and have been inseparable since. Recently I noticed a mood shift in him, which resulted in us having a massive fall out and not speaking for days... Reason being, his parents, more specifically his mom (I think) don't accept me because I'm white and he is Asian. He straight up said to me "they want me to marry someone of my own race." I know it's hard and what not, but does anyone have any advice on how we can deal with this? It's breaking him down and destroying our relationship since he is really depressed about it. I try whatever I can to be a good daughter-in-law.... I cook for him regularly, I help him when he is sick etc...

We do not live together yet as I am still studying and need to get a job first...

Some friends of mine have suggested that we get married or have a kid just in order to get them to get over themselves lol. Any advice will be appreciated because it's hard being in this situation...

Sounds like excuse to me, lots of taiwanese marry ppl from outside taiwan and theyve got totally accepted and invited to some talk show.they should realised asian women are not cheap,and usually they require a team of luxury cars to pick them up on the wedding .my friend in china wouldnt have a gf if he wapsnt driving jagura.i hate to say this but theres so many guys out in the city that are more out-standing compare to him.

I wouldnt waste my time and energy on this if i were you,we live in a world where we need to invest both carefully and wisely, so in the future you breathe a lot easier

Hello Eli,
I'm sad to hear how things are turning for you.
If I remember well, his parents already met you & they know that your BF is really NOT gay, hence the "Play it gay" trick may not work in your case.
Yet if you have a Chinese female friend that both you & your BF trust, we can still try another sort of trick...
So, Derek should claim that you both broke up & he found an Asian GF (your common female friend). He introduces her to his family as his new Chinese fiancée... & in the end she behaves in a very nasty way, like treating him like a idiot in front of his own parents, or making it obvious she 's looking for a rich family in-law, whatever will make them very angry & reject this future daughter in law.
Then, some time later, you reappear as the perfect potential daughter in law, very respectful to her BF's parents. & voilà !
OR, should Derek decide to confront his parents & force them to accept YOU as the only possible choice as a daughter in law for them. They may get upset at his choice. But, you will get + points if you learn enough Mandarin Chinese to speak fluently to them (some traditional Chinese parents fear that their grand-kids cannot speak Chinese to them).
In any case, I'm not saying it will be easy, it may take long for them to reconsider, but even very traditional & conservative Chinese family can change their mind about their (only) son marrying an non-Chinese woman. Also, if you plan to have children some day with him, for sure, they will rather have half-Asian grand-kids than NO grand-kids at all.
Good luck Eli.

JunJun.fr wrote: Hello Eli,
I'm sad to hear how things are turning for you.
If I remember well, his parents already met you & they know that your BF is really NOT gay, hence the "Play it gay" trick may not work in your case.
Yet if you have a Chinese female friend that both you & your BF trust, we can still try another sort of trick...
So, Derek should claim that you both broke up & he found an Asian GF (your common female friend). He introduces her to his family as his new Chinese fiancée... & in the end she behaves in a very nasty way, like treating him like a idiot in front of his own parents, or making it obvious she 's looking for a rich family in-law, whatever will make them very angry & reject this future daughter in law.
Then, some time later, you reappear as the perfect potential daughter in law, very respectful to her BF's parents. & voilà !
OR, should Derek decide to confront his parents & force them to accept YOU as the only possible choice as a daughter in law for them. They may get upset at his choice. But, you will get + points if you learn enough Mandarin Chinese to speak fluently to them (some traditional Chinese parents fear that their grand-kids cannot speak Chinese to them).
In any case, I'm not saying it will be easy, it may take long for them to reconsider, but even very traditional & conservative Chinese family can change their mind about their (only) son marrying an non-Chinese woman. Also, if you plan to have children some day with him, for sure, they will rather have half-Asian grand-kids than NO grand-kids at all.
Good luck Eli.

The first idea requires an Asian girl who is willing to be seen in such terrible light and for the guy to pretend to like her. I feel like it will be a lot of fun, but it's easy to see through. Also since the parents already know that their son is dating a white female that they wonder why he changed gfs so quickly, but maybe not.

The second idea is more reliable, let your partner bridge the gap between you and your in-laws. Force is a strong word, but getting your partner to talk with his parents and also spending more time with your in-laws will only help more. I think you have to first understand why they are so against their son marrying outside of race. is it traditional thinking, is it stereotype thinking, is it a language barrier, or do they not like you personally or a combination of two or more?

joestarbill wrote:

JunJun.fr wrote: Hello Eli,
I'm sad to hear how things are turning for you.
If I remember well, his parents already met you & they know that your BF is really NOT gay, hence the "Play it gay" trick may not work in your case.
Yet if you have a Chinese female friend that both you & your BF trust, we can still try another sort of trick...
So, Derek should claim that you both broke up & he found an Asian GF (your common female friend). He introduces her to his family as his new Chinese fiancée... & in the end she behaves in a very nasty way, like treating him like a idiot in front of his own parents, or making it obvious she 's looking for a rich family in-law, whatever will make them very angry & reject this future daughter in law.
Then, some time later, you reappear as the perfect potential daughter in law, very respectful to her BF's parents. & voilà !
OR, should Derek decide to confront his parents & force them to accept YOU as the only possible choice as a daughter in law for them. They may get upset at his choice. But, you will get + points if you learn enough Mandarin Chinese to speak fluently to them (some traditional Chinese parents fear that their grand-kids cannot speak Chinese to them).
In any case, I'm not saying it will be easy, it may take long for them to reconsider, but even very traditional & conservative Chinese family can change their mind about their (only) son marrying an non-Chinese woman. Also, if you plan to have children some day with him, for sure, they will rather have half-Asian grand-kids than NO grand-kids at all.
Good luck Eli.

The first idea requires an Asian girl who is willing to be seen in such terrible light and for the guy to pretend to like her. I feel like it will be a lot of fun, but it's easy to see through. Also since the parents already know that their son is dating a white female that they wonder why he changed gfs so quickly, but maybe not.

The second idea is more reliable, let your partner bridge the gap between you and your in-laws. Force is a strong word, but getting your partner to talk with his parents and also spending more time with your in-laws will only help more. I think you have to first understand why they are so against their son marrying outside of race. is it traditional thinking, is it stereotype thinking, is it a language barrier, or do they not like you personally or a combination of two or more?

I think the partner has to be extremely special for the other half to do so much for him.but reality is there is so many other guys can be just as special as the previous are, possibly more accepting and less judgemental .and it doesnt take long to get to know them.

The -false- breaking up & the introduction of the new GF don't have to be done within a short time.
But I admit this trick will NOT be easy to play, because it requires not only a very good female friend who can also be a very good actress...
Anyway, the target is to prove the parents that even a non-Asian fiancée can be a more suitable match for their son.
If Derek knows of any AF+AM couples where the wife is a nasty, greedy pitch, he should clearly point then out to his parents as an exemple not to follow.

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joestarbill wrote:
The first idea requires an Asian girl who is willing to be seen in such terrible light and for the guy to pretend to like her. I feel like it will be a lot of fun, but it's easy to see through. Also since the parents already know that their son is dating a white female that they wonder why he changed gfs so quickly, but maybe not.

The second idea is more reliable, let your partner bridge the gap between you and your in-laws. Force is a strong word, but getting your partner to talk with his parents and also spending more time with your in-laws will only help more. I think you have to first understand why they are so against their son marrying outside of race. is it traditional thinking, is it stereotype thinking, is it a language barrier, or do they not like you personally or a combination of two or more?

Having someone that willing to go through all the trobles together is pretty damn lucky.

I will convince my parents to be satisfied , from getting pay only have to bring her to the talk show.

this is where your bf needs to step up and make the decision for himself. no tricks. youre no longer kids anymore.